Monday, February 9, 2009
1. Who the hell are Robert Plant and Allison Krauss?
2. Do me Justin Timberlake.
3. Tivo was invented for the sole purpose of watching that Jonas Brother mess up "Supersitition" over and over and over again.
4. No one cares about you Kenny Chesney.
5. Ugliest face while singing award goes to...Miley Cyrus.
6. I think M.I.A's water broke on Lil Wayne's shoe.
7. Seriously...Robert Plant and Allison Krauss stop winning awards.
8. Why are Stevie Wonders' teeth so small?
9. I guess this means we won't be seeing anymore Chris Brown Doublemint commercials...
10. WHAT THE FUCK ROBERT PLANT AND ALLISON KRAUSS??!
I think this is the first Grammys I've watched in a long time. Last night really made me realize why I don't watch them. The Grammys would be fine if it was made up of primarily performances. The awards are crap. How can you possibly put people like Radiohead against people like Lil Wayne for such a big category? It's irrational and completely bogus. I'm almost entirely convinced that the judging criteria is "Who is the least offensive?" "Who puts me to sleep the easiest?" "Which album would I want to listen to while soaking my dentures?" Crap. Crap. Crap. At least Carrie Underwood looked hot, and Justin Timberlake's voice gave me an almost immediate orgasm. Otherwise , I would have just watched reruns of Rock of Love 3.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
That's right Rock of Love is back. Thank you Jesus. When I tell people that I can't do something because "Rock of Love is on" I get the dirtiest looks. Possibly
they believe that I too am a rock groupie slut, or just like really bad TV. The thing is, yes it is really bad TV, which is of course why it's the best show on TV right now. I'm not lying. A certain boyfriend of mine who shall remain nameless, tried to avoid watching the premiere. Eventually he was of course sucked into the hilarity and if I'm not mistaken was throughly entertained.
Now lets get down to business. Bret "one T" Michaels, still has not found true love. Instead of trying to find love in a previously used Reality Tv house, he has decided to take the girls on the road with him, giving way to Rock of Love Bus. There are two buses, one pink and one blue. Bret is on neither. The buses are filled with girls who have enormous boobs and incorrectly spelled names.
The premiere episode was certainly a doozie. The highlight of course being DJ Lady Tribe aka Nikki.
Never before have a seen such a trainwreck. Here is a video of all of her best moments. Unfortunately she was voted off, and I immediately thought the show would go down the tubes. Not to mention Bret also axed Gia, who apparently put a shot in her vagina, and pretended to give oral gratification on stage to another blonde bimbo. Thankfully however, the show still goes on.
In episode two, Bret had the girls write their very own vows, and took them to a chapel where they dressed in various slutty black and pink wedding clothes and walked down the aisle to where their possible future husband stood waiting in his tasteful wifebeater tuxedo ensemble.
The episode was a great one that included the hilarious Brittaney reciting her 5 page wedding vows that included the sentence, "I will be your umbrella", as well as her shouting at Natasha for only winning because "she was black" then crying hysterically because she was called racist, to which she replied, "You think I'm racist?! My grandfather is black!!" oh it was too good to be true. Oh she also gave a lap dance to Bret, wearing this.
Did I mention she is an ex-porn star? Sadly she was kept on the show, while the crazy belly dancing woman who took a vow to not have sex for 3 years, bad decision, was axed instead. As well as a few other nameless and boring girls who don't show enough boobies.
Quote of the Week Winner is from Ashley, in regards to Brittaney's above bikini.... "I didn't know they made bathing suits in size...fat."
Oh also, Ashley you look and sound like Juliette Lewis. And you might be legally retarded. Good quote though.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Now although I am not the one whos life goal is to have an asian baby, (cough Dster Sr.) I have a wicked crush on this guy, and this song. I'm so obsessed with it that I've listened to it 10 times in a row already, I guess I'll always have a soft spot for men that sing and mario kart. Ok, I'll be the first to admit it...this song even gets me choked up. It is that amazing. See for yourself. And Now you can even download it on itunes or cdbaby.com. Woohoo! Support the man and download.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
One more hour at work to go,which means giving up completely and playing word games and oh yes searching for funny pics. Today funny pics come from Top Chef, and are of course Padma themed.
We have...the happiest day of Marcel's life. And also...Padma licking chocolate off her hand.
We have...the happiest day of Marcel's life. And also...Padma licking chocolate off her hand.
I can't decide which is more disturbing, Marcel's open chef's coat, or imagining why Padma's hand is covered in chocolate in the first place.
So last night I realized that I have succumed to lowest of all lows.....I am addicted to The Bachelor!!!!!! There are about 1.5 millions reasons why I despise this show. Actually my roomates and I sat around during the first episode and listed off at least 10 reasons why it's an improprable show. Let's start with the fact that the only bachelor to find love and follow through was...drumroll please......The Bachelorette! Which only proves that women are better judge of character. Secondly, you are telling me that you can find someone to marry in a room of 25 girls within a matter of weeks? Secondly, the fact that this nice guy who is in reality a sleeze (even if he is a single dad, brain surgeon, ironman winner, et all) makes out/hooks up with all of the girls at his whim, seriously SICK. And finally, I am positive that if you put so many girls in a room with one guy, even if the guy was a toothless, halitosis ridden, blubber butt, the spirit of competition would win over and they would still cat-fight it up. So then tell me why I am on week #2 of this horrid display of reality show madness and am itching for next Monday when I can relive it all again!? I have reached reality show freak status and I am not happy about it : ( If I start to watch Bromance, the TV is going out the window....
Friday, January 9, 2009
So last night I finally got to watch the premiere of the Real World: Brooklyn. Mostly I was just excited for the transgendered roomie Katelynn.
Transgendered is the new thing for the reality shows to have. ANTM had Isis of course but Katelynn is one step further as she is just recently post-op. So thankfully she won't be eliminated on the bathing suit challenge (sorry Isis). The season seems interesting enough, and all the "is she a man" talk was amusing, but mostly it was a snoozer. Douche of the week goes to Ryan
He's ignorant, dumb, and calls his girlfriend Belle, even though her name is Melissa. I couldn't watch when he started singing his song about Iraq. It was the most painful thing I've ever watched. His "book" that he's writing sounds really great! Wait. No it's probably about as good as his Iraq song.
Oh well, can't wait for the future sex, fights, and embarrassments! Thank you MTV.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
It's true, I find Bravo shows to be extremely predictable, highly edited and incredibly amazing. They always clue you into who is going home long before the deicision is made. Take last night for example, Eugene or "Gene" as people have apparently started calling him, made a sweet phone call home. The phone call to the family is almost always a warning signal that the hour of elimination is close at hand. I must say I liked Eugene at first, with his surprise Indian dish he made, and his lack of training as a chef, I was rooting for him. That feeling however became lost amongst his several failed dishes, his arrogance, and when people started calling him Gene.
The challenge was to create a dish that embodies you and tells the new Simon Cowell wannabe judge, Toby Young (who occasionally thinks he is a movie critic rather than a food critic), what you are all about as a chef. Eugene made red snapper which resulted in Toby Young saying that it was "the bland leading the bland" and he was later axed.
Peace Out Eugene
Not one but TWO people were eliminated, and who did they also find to eliminate? Yup, ugly face and bangs, terrible green trucker hatted Melissa. She made fish tacos, which according to some contestants, tasted "too fishy". Fishy Fish Tacos? Gross. That description is wrong in many ways, and makes me feel a little nauseous. Bye Bye Melissa...
Top Chef's decisions for elimination are usually extremely fair. I wanted Eugene and Melissa gone a long time ago. And Tada! It happened. What a treat. Also the quote of the week goes to Fabio "This is Top Chef, not Top Scallop"
Congrats to whiny Jamie for finally winning with her crappy scallops.
I thought this book was suppose to stop you from eating McDonalds, in much the same way that Old Yellerstops you from watching animal movies. This however, was not the case. I read this for a seminar on rhetoric, and after every single class, what did I want? A big and juicy double quarter pounder with cheese, medium fries and a Coke. Nice try Schlosser. Tempting me with images of sad eyed cows as they are led into the slaughterhouse was a good attempt,but it would be more effective if you discovered that hamburger meat was made with dog meat, and there was a sad dog being led to the slaughterhouse. Sorry, no dice there. I'm never going to stop drinking Coke, eating McDonald's and going to Disney World. Of course I may die doing so, but it's better than eating carrots and pretending I care about the world.
I just finished this, 20 mins ago, in my car in a sad little parking lot. I was amazed at this books ability to keep me reading through its some 500 pages. Every chapter had something that made me step back and audibly exclaim my wonder, amusement, or sadness. These kinds of books are rare to find. My heart went out to Callie and Cal, identity is hard enough to manage without having both a penis and a vagina. And of course I'm a sucker for Greek allusions.
I read The Remains of the Day back in good old Stephen Clingman's class, and I really came to love it. One boring day at work, I perused listology's 100 books for every decade list and was enormously pleased to find this one at the top of the list. Ishiguro is a curious writer. When finished with The Remains of the Day, you find that nothing has really happened in the life of the Butler. And why should it? Butlers? Boring. The curious thing is that you are completely invested in his life despite this. Same goes for Never Let Me Go, but even more so. Maybe it was its likelihood to Brave New World or the way that you never truly understand what is going on, but this book has quickly become my favorite book.
My favorite character in As I Lay Dying is Vardaman, he sees the world in a refreshingly different light, much like Christopher. Everything that Haddon writes is completely believable, and makes me somewhat envious that I don't think in the same way that the autistic Christopher does. The details he comes up with are so incredible, and oddly moving despite Christopher's distance and familiarity with his nature of describing the world around him. Even though SPOILER a dog dies, which is my least favorite thing, although it is a poodle and I don't care for poodles, this book truly accomplishes what Atticus Finch has always preached; "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it". Well said my man.