That's right Rock of Love is back. Thank you Jesus. When I tell people that I can't do something because "Rock of Love is on" I get the dirtiest looks. Possibly
they believe that I too am a rock groupie slut, or just like really bad TV. The thing is, yes it is really bad TV, which is of course why it's the best show on TV right now. I'm not lying. A certain boyfriend of mine who shall remain nameless, tried to avoid watching the premiere. Eventually he was of course sucked into the hilarity and if I'm not mistaken was throughly entertained.
Now lets get down to business. Bret "one T" Michaels, still has not found true love. Instead of trying to find love in a previously used Reality Tv house, he has decided to take the girls on the road with him, giving way to Rock of Love Bus. There are two buses, one pink and one blue. Bret is on neither. The buses are filled with girls who have enormous boobs and incorrectly spelled names.
The premiere episode was certainly a doozie. The highlight of course being DJ Lady Tribe aka Nikki.
Never before have a seen such a trainwreck. Here is a video of all of her best moments. Unfortunately she was voted off, and I immediately thought the show would go down the tubes. Not to mention Bret also axed Gia, who apparently put a shot in her vagina, and pretended to give oral gratification on stage to another blonde bimbo. Thankfully however, the show still goes on.
In episode two, Bret had the girls write their very own vows, and took them to a chapel where they dressed in various slutty black and pink wedding clothes and walked down the aisle to where their possible future husband stood waiting in his tasteful wifebeater tuxedo ensemble.
The episode was a great one that included the hilarious Brittaney reciting her 5 page wedding vows that included the sentence, "I will be your umbrella", as well as her shouting at Natasha for only winning because "she was black" then crying hysterically because she was called racist, to which she replied, "You think I'm racist?! My grandfather is black!!" oh it was too good to be true. Oh she also gave a lap dance to Bret, wearing this.
Did I mention she is an ex-porn star? Sadly she was kept on the show, while the crazy belly dancing woman who took a vow to not have sex for 3 years, bad decision, was axed instead. As well as a few other nameless and boring girls who don't show enough boobies.
Quote of the Week Winner is from Ashley, in regards to Brittaney's above bikini.... "I didn't know they made bathing suits in size...fat."
Oh also, Ashley you look and sound like Juliette Lewis. And you might be legally retarded. Good quote though.